Thursday, July 12, 2012

Yes, My Child. Your Bed IS a Hamburger. Not-So-Bright Ideas for Kids Rooms, Part Deux

I promise I will stop after this. But, seriously??? I can't imagine that any of the designers of the rooms below ACTUALLY HAVE children. If they HAD children, they would KNOW how absolutely ridiculous these ideas are.

Ok, I don't know about you. But bedtime at our house is complicated enough. Emmy is hesitant to get into her crib, and cries when I or my husband leave her in her room by herself. I can only IMAGINE what her reaction would be if I tried replacing her crib with this creative installation.
"Em, go ahead... crawl inside the angry dinosaur's mouth... watch out for those sharp teeth, now. You may get killed... Phew, you made it! Ok, it's time for night-night... I'm going to turn off the light and leave you all by yourself with the angry dinosaur"

 In seeing this Claes Oldenburg inspired hamburger bed, I give cudos for creativity... but the REALITY of this bed is that every night, your child would be smothered to near-death underneath a huge hamburger bun, a giant slice of american cheese, and layers of tomatoes and lettuce.
And think about the long term effects... every time you took your child to a barbecue or a burger joint, they would lie down, put one half of their burger underneath them, the other half on top of them, and they would fall asleep. SO not cool.

 Call me crazy, but I just get creeped out to no end by the ropes dangling from these jungle-like trees. They kind of look like nooses, don't they? And if the whole point is to simulate a rainforest, what is your child going to do? Swing from the ropes right smack into their bedroom walls? E-gads. Let's move on.

Yes, this is TOTALLY amazing, and whoever actually managed to build a BOAT in the top corner of their child's room should get a serious reward. But after they are given a reward, they should be carted off to the looney bin for encouraging their child to sleep so frikkin' high up off the ground.
Plus besides, the child living in this bedroom might develop the notion that they are indeed a pirate, and may start talking like a pirate, using words like "matey" and "booty" all the time. I don't know if I could handle that. 

I love Maurice Sendak. I love the book Where the Wild Things Are. And I hope that some day, Emmy will love that book as much as I do. But I still think this room is super crazy pants. Because if I were to replicate this room, it would take me approximately 9 years to paint the walls of the Where the Wild Things Are room in such beautiful, fine detail. And the minute I would be done painting, and would finally be enjoying the fruits of my labor, Emmy would tell me she changed her mind and now she wants all of her walls painted with life-sized portraits of Justin Bieber (or whomever becomes "the next Justin Bieber").

Now, if you have creative but at least somewhat practical tips on decorating a bedroom for two kids, please share! I am definitely open to any ideas that do not include hamburger buns, giant dinosaur mouths, or nooses.


  1. Great read reading Dvorak. I could never sleep in any of the rooms. Glad you do not see them in Embers future.

    Love, Mom K

    1. Yeah, I figure we'll stay pretty conservative on this one. Just to avoid traumatizing our kids at a very young age :)

  2. Can I have the pirate ship one for me? Frank would like the cheeseburger one for himself, I'm sure of it!

    While it took some amazing talent for those rooms to come together, I almost wonder if that talent (or money) would have been better invested elsewhere?

    1. Yes, I will build you the pirate ship bedroom, my love. It may take me 143 years, so just have patience. :) I wonder if you could register for the cheeseburger bed as part of your (nonexistent) wedding registry? Wouldn't that be hilarious - to just have your registry point to one item, that being a hamburger bed? Awesome..

      Yes there is definite talent that went into the design of these rooms. And yes, the money (and time) probably could have been more wisely invested. But maybe the person sleeping in the mouth of an angry dinosaur is truly happy with their bed? Maybe?

  3. Ok, so I can't agree on the pirate ship because that is truly epic, however for a simpler and more, um, down to earth solution, I screwed four long pieces of baton onto the four corners of my sons bed effectively making a sort of 4 poster. This allows me to hang blankets for dens, or, in it's latest carnation, string string back and forth across the top high up and hung pieces of blue and green chiffon over them, hung tin foil fish, small christmas lights and made a large tin foil octopus on the wall. Voila, an underwater world to sleep in!