Ok, first of all, to make clear, I am not talking about sperm. Sperm ARE very important TOO, but that is just not what this post is about.
This post is about those swim-friendly diapers they make for little kids.
You see, I decided to be a good mommy and take Emmy to the outdoor pool at the JCC this past weekend. It was a beautiful sunshine-y day, and I knew Em would love every minute of splashing around in the kiddie area.
I packed our bag – my suit, her suit, sun lotion (SPF of 6 bazillion), her sun hat, a towel for us to share, water, and a change of clothes. And diapers. But not the Little Swimmers diapers. I packed regular diapers.
Because in my head, though I was well aware of the fact that swim-friendly diapers DO exist, I thought, “what’s the big deal about putting Em in the pool with just a regular old diaper? I mean, what did mamas do BEFORE swim-friendly diapers came along? Surely they just used regular old diapers underneath the baby swim suit.”
I didn’t think it would be a huge deal at all.
So Em and I arrived at the JCC, changed into our suits, and ventured into the outdoor kiddie pool area. Em had a blast, shrieking and splashing and sort-of-kind-of moving her arms and legs in a swimming-ish fashion. I tossed her and twirled her and tried to be not-so-self-conscious about my ever-growing preggo belly. It really was super fun.
Until I noticed…. (cue the creepy music, please)
The bottom half of Em’s bathing suit had blown up to the size of a humongous truck tire, and was threatening to absorb ALL of the water in the entire kiddie pool. It looked like something out of a horror movie… like the BLOB or a KILLER TOMATO or some other nefarious alien being. I looked around nervously, hoping that the other parents around the pool (whose children were all swimming comfortably in their Little Swimmers diapers) wouldn’t notice that Em’s rump rivaled that of J. Lo.
But, yeah, OF COURSE they noticed.
One mom scooted over to me and said, “you know, I have an extra pair of Little Swimmers you can borrow if you want. Your girl’s diaper looks like it is going to explode any second now. Seriously.” And she honestly looked really worried… like we were on the verge of a nuclear meltdown.
So I tried to play it cool, and accepted her kind gift. And then I just RAN LIKE THE WIND, with Em held at an arm’s distance, toward’s the ladies room. I felt like screaming “SHE’S GONNA BLOWWWWW!” but I bit my tongue and remained as calm as I could under the circumstance.
When I say Emmy’s diaper had absorbed a good 80 pounds of water, I swear I am hardly exaggerating. I don’t know how she managed to keep the thing on. I honestly don’t know how it didn’t manage to drag us both down to the bottom of the 3 foot pool.
What I DO know is that I will never again bring Emmy into a large body of water with her regular pull-up diaper on. This mama is a Little Swimmers convert, through and through.