Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Realistic Resolutions

 I am kind of OVER making New Year's resolutions. Because I know the way life works, and that if I super-pinky-swear promise myself on December 31st that in 2015 I am going to get back to exercising for at least 30 minutes EVERY day, on January 1st I will come down with pneumonia and will be bed-ridden and lethargic for three weeks. If I tell myself 2015 is going to be the year of meditation and gluten-free foods, by January 3rd I will surely realize that meditation makes me anxious and gluten is the key to all my happiness. 

So instead of aspiring (and failing) to live a life that would get the Gwyneth Paltrow seal of approval, I have come up with the following list of "keeping it real" UNresolutions for 2015. 

These are not meant to inspire you. If they DO inspire you, you are weird.

1. I promise I am NOT going to eat kale at every meal, but I will THINK about kale at every meal. 

2. I will try to exercise for thirty minutes every day OR I will exercise until one of my small children decides to sit on my head while I attempt to do ab exercises (which is usually about four minutes into my workout).

3. I promise to use my Facebook posts as a way of bringing attention to important socio-political issues (like how many times Oren has gone poopy on the potty in one day).

4. I vow to take less time deciding what I should wear in the morning, by throwing out everything in my closet that is not black.

5. I promise to spend more quality time with my children, as long as quality time involves ice cream.

6. I swear I will cook more homemade meals for our family. Reheating counts as cooking, right?

7. I promise to read more (interviews with celebrities).

8. I will give up caffeine. Except for coffee. And soda. And chocolate. 

9. I promise to spend less money on silly toys that my children don't need. Until Disney releases Frozen 2. Then all bets are off.

10. I vow to appreciate what I have. I also vow to REALLY appreciate a winning lottery ticket.

What are your New Years resolutions, and when do you intend to give up on them?

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