Friday, August 17, 2012

No More "F" Bombs for Mama

Well, folks, the day has arrived. Em has transformed from a person to a parrot, a toddler-voiced echo that follows C and I around the house. Many of our conversations go like this:
“Emmy, it’s time for you to brush your teeth,” says I.
“Bruthh your TEETH!” says Em.
“Make sure to go up and down with the toothbrush, ok?” says I.
“Up and down. Up and down!” says Em. For a few seconds, she actually seems to do something akin to brushing her teeth, before she just starts sucking on her toothbrush again.
“Where are your shoes, Em?” says I.
“Where are shoes? Shooooo-ooooooes. Where ARE you? Shoes hiding” says Em.
“Maybe they are in your room?” says I.
“In your room” says Em, wandering off to HER room to see if she can find her sandals.
And so it continues.
Now, I should say, Em doesn’t ONLY repeat the words we say. She’s definitely got a mind of her own, and lots of words to help her voice her opinions.
Many a times, on our ride home from daycare, she will start a monologue of “wants”, a la “I want water (I give her water)… I want juice (I don’t have any juice, Em. Drink the water)… I want keys (I can’t give you my keys, Em. I need them to drive)… I want apple (I don’t have an apple Em. I’m sorry)… I want pizza (maybe you can have pizza for dinner, when we get home)… I want hug (mama wants to hug you too, Em, but I can’t hug you while I’m driving)”
But it’s Em’s enthusiasm for repeating words that has me scared s*&%less (see, I’m already self-editing). While I’m no potty-mouthed mama, I definitely let the occasional “f-bomb” slip out, or get a little crass when talking to my hubby.
Now I have these immense fears that, if I am not super careful, Em is going to mimic… you know, THOSE words. And if she starts using THOSE words, I’m in deep doo doo.
I envision picking Em up at daycare, and suddenly noticing that all of her teachers are giving me the stink eye. I envision her head teacher taking me aside and explaining that SOME words are inappropriate for 22 month olds to be using, and that it might affect Emmy’s classmates in an adverse way if she continues to say “I want my f^&^ing lunch, please!”
And what about the supermarket? How embarrassing it would be for me if, while strolling my daughter through the produce aisle, with Emmy attracting the smiles and waves of strangers, she loudly proclaims “I love this s%^*!”
Yeah, I’ve definitely got to put the lid on the loose lips, and say farewell to the “f” bombs. From now on, I’ll need to get creative, calling things “blinking horrible” and exclaiming “son of a biscuit” when I stub my toe.
Well, at least I can still swear on my blog.


  1. My daughter is not talking yet, but my husband keeps telling me that I seriously need to tone down the swearing. I don't think that I swear that much, but apparently it's a little more than I realize, and if I'm not careful, I'm going to have one potty-mouthed toddler! Love the line "At least I can still swear on my blog." :)

    1. Maybe you and I should have late night tweet fests where all we do is swear to one another, just to get it out of our systems? Otherwise we'll just have to comiserate when our three years olds start talking like sailors. :)
      Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!


  2. F^&^ing Cupcake! Car. Chicken!

    I'll try to help with this one.

  3. Oh, I remember those days. And when you do slip, little ones know JUST when to sneak the work into a phrase, with the correct intonation and emphasis. How do they 'know' we are saying a forbidden word?
    I have a friend that picked a few silly words, and practiced often, to substitute them for swear words. Depending on the situation, it worked... But when it didn't...oops.
    If you come up with a good solution share!