Better Late Than Never - A Video for Em

I've made a commitment to myself to make a little video for every birthday our children celebrate. Em's birthday this past year was blurred by other circumstances, but I want to make sure to keep my promise. So here is my little video celebrating Em's life as a two year old, set to Elizabeth Mitchell's version of Three Little Birds, which is our favorite song to sing together. Love you, Em, with all my heart and every bone in my body.

The Runaway Baby

Oren is absolutely adorable. He is a huggable, ever-smiling, whip-smart, totally silly boy. He is ALSO a boy who loves causing his mother round-the-clock panic attacks by constantly and quickly wandering off in different directions. I have lovingly dubbed him “The Runaway Baby”.

Emmy was the polar opposite when she was a baby. Whenever I left her side or disappeared from her line of vision, she would scream and cry and cry and scream. When I was cooking dinner in the kitchen, she would sit between my legs. When I had to go to the bathroom, she would follow me to the toilet and sit there, watching me pee. Basically, she was a mini-sized stalker. While I loved the fact that she loved me so deeply, I always wished she would be more independent, so I could have a TEENY TINY bit of privacy.

Which goes to show, you need to watch what you wish for. With Oren, I got the independent baby I yearned for Emmy to be, and then some. Oren started climbing stairs at around 8 months. He started walking right around his ten month birthday, and he started “baby running” (waddling at a speed-walkers pace) a few days after that. At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if he started scaling tall buildings and shooting webs out of the palms of his hands on his first birthday.

Wherever we go, the minute I set Oren down on his two unusually gigantic baby feet, he takes off like he's just heard the starting gun at a marathon race. It's a REALLY FUN game to him. As he runs away from me, he looks over his shoulder with a big grin on his face, as if to say “just you try to get me, mama!”

And of course I DO try to get him. When I succeed at scooping him up, he squirms out of my arms and slides down my body to the ground, where he takes off once again. By the end of each day, with all the “sit down, stand up, run around, sit down, stand up, run around,” my legs are revolting against me, big time.

This “game” has made my life as a stay-at-home-mom quite challenging. At the playground, if I try to help Emmy up the ladder to go down her favorite slide, Oren sees it as an opportunity to skip nonchalantly over to the very crazy, very busy parking lot to try to make friends with the moving cars. At the children's museum, if I try blowing bubbles with Em, Oren will wander off to the magnet exhibit, where he will try stuffing his mouth with as many itty bitty magnets as possible before he is found.

At this point, I figure I have three options:

OPTION A: I could invest in one of those backpack-style child leashes that I SWORE I would never use on my kids. I could tether myself to Oren, or Oren to me, and limit his access to the big wide world he so wishes to explore. In other words, I could make my son miserable because I am too tired to deal.

OPTION B: (I like this plan a lot better) I could win the lottery, travel to a foreign country, find a scientist who is interested in human cloning, and plead my case. Hearing my desperation, the scientist will create two additional versions of me – one to chase after Oren, and one to do our family's laundry.

OPTION C: I could suck it up, admit that running after a small child is just a natural part of motherhood, and go out and buy a pedometer so I can at least keep track of all my miles.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Revised

So, here is MY version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, which I tell Emmy all the time. In my opinion, my ending is a lot more satisfying than the original. I don't want Em growing up to think that it is okay to run away from any trouble she's caused, so I've modified the story to make sure Goldilocks stays and fixes all the messes she's created for the bears.

I wrote the whole story down mostly for my friend Courtney, who had requested I share it. I hope she, and others, enjoy it.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Goldilocks. Goldilocks was a beautiful girl, with curly hair that was the color of the sun. She was also a curious girl. She was also more than just a little bit naughty.

One day, Goldilocks went for a walk in the woods near her house. She came upon a very interesting looking home, and decided to knock on the door. When no one came to answer the door, Goldilocks' curiosity got the better of her, and she decided to let herself into the house, even though she knew that was a naughty thing to do.

Goldilocks didn't know that the house belonged to three bears who had just gone out on a morning walk while their breakfast porridge cooled. But from the moment she stepped into the bears' home, Goldilocks could smell the delicious porridge, and she followed the smell to the bears' kitchen.

In the kitchen there was a pretty table, and on the table were three bowls of really yummy looking porridge, with twirly swirls of maple syrup. There was a HUMUNGOUS bowl of porridge with a HUMUNGOUS spoon, a MEDIUM sized bowl of porridge with a MEDIUM sized spoon, and a TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY bowl of porridge with a TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY spoon (like the kind Goldilocks' mama used to feed her baby brother).

Goldilocks grabbed the HUMUNGOUS spoon and helped herself to the porridge in the HUMUNGOUS bowl.

“OUCH!!” Goldilocks cried upon tasting the porridge. “This is WAY too hot! It almost burned my tongue! And I SURE don't have the patience to wait for it to cool off.”

So Goldilocks grabbed the MEDIUM sized spoon and helped herself to porridge from the MEDIUM sized bowl.

“BLECH!” Goldilocks made her grossy gross face. “This porridge is WAY too cold, and I REALLY don't feel like warming it up.”

So Goldilocks grabbed the TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY spoon and helped herself to the porridge in the TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY bowl.

“YEAH!!” Goldilocks smiled. “This porridge is perfect. It is just the right temperature and it has lots of maple syrup, just the way I like it.”

And Goldilocks gobbled up the entire bowl in just fifty four seconds.

After Goldilocks had eaten all the porridge, her tummy was quite full, and she decided she needed to rest for a little while before having any more adventures. So she left the kitchen and found the living room, where she discovered three chairs. There was a HUMUNGOUS chair made of stone, a MEDIUM sized puffy, fluffy chair, and a TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY wooden chair that was Goldilocks' favorite color, purple.

Goldilocks decided she'd better try out ALL of the chairs, just as she had tried out ALL of the bowls of porridge, to see which one suited her best. First she climbed onto the HUMUNGOUS stone chair.

“Oww!” Goldilocks cried. “This chair is not AT ALL comfortable! It's as hard as a rock! How could anyone enjoy sitting on this?”

Goldilocks hopped off the HUMUNGOUS chair and climbed into the MEDIUM sized puffy, fluffy chair.

“Whoa,” Goldilocks exclaimed. “I don't think I can sit on this chair. I feel like I am being eaten by a giant marshmallow!”

So Goldilocks hopped off the MEDIUM sized puffy, fluffy chair and went over to the TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY purple wooden chair.

Goldilocks knew she was too big for the TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY chair, but it was PURPLE, which was her absolute FAVORITE color, so she decided to try to squeeze her body into the chair as best as she could. She squished and she squirmed and she squished and she squirmed, and just as Goldilocks thought she might finally fit, the TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY purple wooden chair cracked and broke into one hundred pieces.

“Oh dear,” Goldilocks thought. But she was too lazy to clean up the mess she made, and she was feeling a little tired, so she decided to go find a place to lie down.

Goldilocks quickly found the bedroom, and in it she found three beds. There was a HUMUNGOUS stone bed with a brown blanket, a MEDIUM sized puffy, fluffy bed with a red blanket, and a TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY wooden bed with a purple blanket.

Goldilocks decided she'd better try out ALL of the beds, just as she had tried out ALL of the chairs, and ALL of the bowls of porridge, to see which one suited her best. First she climbed into the HUMUNGOUS bed.

“UGH!” Goldilocks cried. “This bed is not AT ALL comfortable! It's as hard as a rock! How could anyone enjoy sitting on this?”

So Goldilocks hopped off the HUMUNGOUS bed and climbed into the MEDIUM sized puffy, fluffy bed.

“Whoa,” Goldilocks exclaimed. “I don't think I can sleep in this bed. I feel like I am being eaten by a giant cotton ball!”

So Goldilocks hopped off the MEDIUM sized puffy, fluffy bed and went over to the TEENY WEENY ITSY BITSY wooden bed with a purple blanket. The bed was so comfortable! Goldilocks curled up and fell fast asleep.

While Goldilocks was sleeping, the three bears returned home from their morning walk. After all the exercise they had enjoyed, the bears were incredibly hungry, so they went straight to the kitchen to enjoy their breakfast of porridge with maple syrup.

When the bears got to the kitchen, they looked at their bowls of porridge. Something didn't seem quite right.

“Hmmm...” Papa bear said. “You know, I know this will sound crazy, but I think somebody's been eating my porridge!”

“Papa Bear,” said Mama bear, “I think you might be right! I think somebody's been eating my porridge, too!”

“Mama, Papa!” Baby Bear cried, “Somebody's DEFINITELY been eating my porridge! They ate the WHOLE THING!”

Baby Bear started crying hysterically, because his tummy was so hungry and grumbly. Mama and Papa bear decided it might be best to go relax in the living room, before making a new batch of porridge. But when they got to the living room, something didn't seem quite right.

“Hmmm...” Papa bear said. “You know, I know this will sound crazy, but I think somebody's been sitting in my chair!”

“Papa Bear,” said Mama bear, “I think you might be right! I think somebody's been sitting in my chair, too!”

“Mama, Papa!” Baby Bear cried, “Somebody's DEFINITELY been sitting in my chair! They broke it into a hundred pieces!”

Baby Bear started crying even MORE hysterically, because his porridge was all eaten, and now his favorite chair was really broken. Mama and Papa bear decided it might be best to go rest in the bedroom, before making a new batch of porridge AND fixing Baby Bear's chair. But when they got to the bedroom, something didn't seem quite right.

“Hmmm...” Papa bear said. “You know, I know this will sound crazy, but I think somebody's been sleeping in my bed!”

“Papa Bear,” said Mama bear, “I think you might be right! I think somebody's been sleeping in my bed, too!”

“Mama, Papa!” Baby Bear cried, “Somebody's DEFINITELY been sleeping in my bed! Actually, she's STILL sleeping in my bed!”

Mama and Papa bear ran over to Baby Bear's bed, and sure enough, there was Goldilocks, sleeping soundly. The three bears were so angry at Goldilocks, that all three of them started to roar a loud, mean roar.

Goldilocks woke up and screamed when she saw the angry bears looking down at her. She hopped right out of bed and started running toward the window to try to escape. But Papa Bear stopped Goldilocks before she got to the window.

“Not so fast, Goldilocks,” he said. “You've made a great big mess in our house, and you've got to help us clean up! First, you will have to help us cook up a new batch of porridge. Next, you will have to help us fix Baby Bear's favorite chair. Next, you will have to help us make our beds. When you are all done cleaning up the mess you've made, you will have to apologize for all the trouble you've cause. THEN you can leave!”

Goldilocks cooperated, and helped cook up some porridge. She then helped glue all one hundred pieces of Baby Bear's favorite chair back together. Finally, she helped make all the beds nice and tidy again. By the time she was done with all the clean up, Goldilocks was exhausted.

“Wow,” Goldilocks said to the bear family. “I didn't realize what a mess I had made, and how much work it would take to clean up. I really AM sorry for all the trouble I caused.”

Hearing the apology, the bears decided Goldilocks really was sorry, and they let her leave their home.

From that day on, Goldilocks was still a very beautiful girl, and was also very curious, but she was no longer naughty.

THE END.