Postcard from the Edge

I know. It’s been forever and a day since I last blogged. When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought I was going to be blogging every day about this pregnancy experience.

And then the nausea hit, like a fierce jab to the gut. And then the fatigue hit, like an uppercut to the head.

It’s been about 4 weeks now of pretty constant misery. I wish I could say I’ve been a trooper, but I’d be lying if I did. I’ve been going through the motions at work, trying to distract myself with my various responsibilities. On occasion, I’ve shut my office door and just cried through the nausea. In the evenings, I have come home from work, collapsed on the couch, and bawled into one of our many throw pillows. On my not-so-bad days, I’ve just kind of sat in the livingroom, lump-like, counting the minutes before I could bring Emmy into bed for the night.

It’s true. I have been quite useless. I thank god every day for my incredible husband, who has picked up my slack like a champion. He has spent the last four weeks chasing Emmy around the house, cleaning up after all of us, and making home improvements. He has given his all to making sure that Emmy is having fun and being entertained and cared for while mama cries into her pillows. With me slightly removed from the picture, the two of them have really bonded, and I can tell Emmy is dada’s number one fan. He’s really been a wonder to us both. I love my husband. I also can’t wait to give him a well-deserved break...

My creative energy has also been totally depleted. I’ve thought about writing on a few occasions, but was never able to gather my pieces together enough to actually put my thoughts down on paper. So I just haven’t. Thus the lull.

But now, at 10 weeks pregnant, I am beginning to feel just a hint of hope. It took until noontime today for the nausea to catch up to me, and that is a heck of a lot better than it has been. I did get a prescription for medication from my OB/GYN to use on the really rough days, but I am hoping to not rely on medication. I’m optimistic that within a month, I will be feeling at least somewhat more like myself, and that I will start to actually enjoy this pregnancy. When those days come, I will be thrilled to blog all about it. Stay tuned…

But I also can’t go without saying SOMETHING about how beautifully Emmy has been growing this past month. She is a joy to be around, even when I am feeling super crummy. Right now she is LOVING her new counting skills (she is able to count to ten with confidence now, which I think is pretty amazing). She also loves singing, and serenades dada and me with “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” (or her version of that song) at all times of the day, even while she is nursing. She even sings along with us when we sing “Diaper Time” (our spin-off of “Closing Time” by Semisonic). Her newest phrases are “it’s ok” and “I see you”. And she love love LOVES playing outdoors. If she had her way, I am pretty sure she would be outside from dawn to dusk, every day. She is just incredible. I love my girl.